The coalition government has pledged to end the “postcode lottery” of postcode allocation by allowing communities to choose their own postcodes. ‘No longer will people be disadvantaged, or their house prices affected, by the state imposing an alpha-numeric suffix that shows where they live’ said the Prime Minister yesterday. ‘Why should anyone be denied access to a Mayfair address, just because they happen to live in Peckham?’
A pilot study in Liverpool suggested the policy could help to improve social mobility. In November last year the run-down city district of Kensington changed its postcode from L7 to SW1, and witnessed a small - yet significant - increase in the number of residents classing themselves as “Russian oligarchs” or “trustafarians”. ‘The pad is like, yah, a bit further to Harvey Nicks than I thought,’ said new resident Poppy Lee from her 2-up-2-down terraced pied-a-terre next to Costcutter, ‘but then I always go by helicopter anyway’.
Critics pointed out that if other regions followed Liverpool’s lead and reused fashionable codes to boost the image of deprived areas, the postal service could descend into chaos. The pilot study assumed residents of Liverpool and London Kensingtons would voluntarily deliver misdirected mail to each other, “in the interest of the big society”, but despite this failing to happen in practice, the government insisted the plan would work.
‘The Royal Mail will just have to cope’ said Mr Cameron. ‘The fact that the entire populate of Burnley wants to live in Wimbledon SW19 7AA is no excuse for poor delivery, and if these enemies of choice mess up we’ll fine them and pay Haliburton to distribute the post on mopeds instead.’
‘Of course there will be teething problems, ‘ continued the PM, ‘ but we believe passionately that people should have the freedom to choose where they think they should live, even though they could never afford to live there.’ In time the government hopes to extend the model from communities down to individual households, giving every home in the country their own personalised postcode. ‘Why not?’ said a postman. ’I’d love to deliver to 10 Downing Street, CO CK5’