The Vatican[/b]--A flock of Cardinals has concluded a weeklong summit with a shocking document, "We Royaltus Screwitus Upus." The weeklong summit addressed the millenium-strong argument by heretical laity that the Catholic Church supports its own power structure more than its members' best interests. After a week studying the Gospels describing the early Church, the Cardinals ordered archdiocesan bishops to dismantle hierarchy and restructure their diocese immediately, empowering the dioceses in areas of worship, theology, and leadership. The diocesan leaders have largely refused, arguing that the move would reduce their sacred power.
Pope Benedict, who is rumored to be attending Ireland's Tedfest, could not be reached for comment.