TRIPOLI - In a rare occasion of openness and transparency, Col. Muammar Gaddafi led foreign journalists to his favorite Starbucks, on the northeast corner of the Zaweet Eddahmany roundabout.
As he entered, calls of welcome arose from the patrons, who were mostly military personnel.
An employee yelled, "Wazzup, Your Totally Supreme Exalted Maximumness?"
Gaddafi pointed two index fingers at the man and replied, "Who's my Alu Ak-barista?"
Laughing, the barista bellowed, "The usual for Your Totally Excellency?"
"Yes, but make it the most totally homosexual of all time!"
Gadaffi then used his iPhone to "check in", recording his visit with Foursquare.com. "See, over 4200 check-ins. I am totally the rightful sovereign of this establishment." He pointed to a little Foursquare mayor's badge he had printed out and pinned to his bright white uniform.
Gaddafi has been plagued by accusations that he has shut down the nation's internet, confiscated mobile phones, and summarily beheaded patrons who've attempted to enter this Starbucks branch, fearing they were planning to overthrow his mayoralty. The sudden invitation to foreign journalists was apparently an attempt to display the stability, even the casual comfort, of his rule over the coffee house. In fact, while waiting for his coffee, Gaddafi entertained some children by writing "2012" on four napkins, rearranging the napkins to say "ZION", and then setting them on fire.
Nevertheless, the ruler was clearly concerned about the journalists' reports. Peering at one writer's notepad, Gadaffi objected, "Don't spell it 'Starbucks', spell it asterisk dollarsign. OMA, are you a total noob?"
When Gaddafi's coffee was served, he proudly showed it off. The tall cup was topped awkwardly with a dome of whipped cream decorated with green and red maraschino cherries, amaretto raspberry drizzle, and rose petals. "It is totally homosexual, yes?" Then Gadaffi drew his scimitar and swung, accurately cutting off the creamy head, which splattered against a picture of Bob Dylan on the wall. "Now I have fixed the coffee!" he bellowed. The patrons burst into cheers. Gaddafi, arms outstretched, muttered, "The people totally love me here."