Since the death of Michael Jackson in June 2009 it is the question that has been on everybody’s lips: who will inherit the crown and take their place as the new King of Pop?
As Prince of Pop, Justin Timberlake had been widely tipped to take on the ceremonial and dance aspects of the role, but a challenge by another Justin, namely Bieber, resulted in a schism that has divided the people of Pop and threatened to tear the Kingdom apart, until it was pointed out to the people that they are both ‘a bit shit’.
Anxious that Pop shouldn’t fall off the map entirely (as Swing did, following the demise of King Benny), the interim government looked instead to neighbours Rock and Roll, where the King has reigned for so long that no-one even knows or cares if the real ‘King’ is still alive.
“We made sure that Elvis’ effigy and voice became ubiquitous”, explained a spokesperson for Rock-and-Roll. “He is so much a part of today that the King even manages to put in an appearance every Friday afternoon on an otherwise dull radio show.”
A couple of efforts to copy this model were piloted on the popular show ‘Britain’s Got Talent, but the public failed to warm to the moonwalking Darth Vader in particular.
With no obvious heir, and the chances of keeping a virtual King of Pop going now nil, the interim government of Pop has today announced that there will be no more monarchs, and that Pop shall from henceforth be known as the People’s Democratic Republic of Pop, and nominations are now open for a suitable candidate to run for President. Lady Gaga is rumoured to be interested, if she can only shake off the rumours of her aristocratic lineage.