A large land mammal, which has been resident in the living room of John Groves and Roger Kowalchek since December 2009, has finally decided to do something about the constant inattention.
It will clear its throat, effectively demanding that somebody address its presence.
This follows hot on the heels of its decision last week to attempt to engage either member of the couple by raising its prehensile trunk tentatively, much in the manner of a nervous schoolboy. The move was, however, tragically ignored.
The elephant, which would be known as Effie if either of its co-habitees could be bothered to speak to it, has finally decided to stop being polite and squeezing through the back door in order to answer the call of nature. Three days later, the dung has begun to pile up, and still nobody has thought to remark upon it. John’s question ‘Have you farted…?’ could have been the perfect opportunity to break the deadlock, but sadly his partner simply smirked.
Effie is a savannah elephant, with two elegant ivory nose-piercings in the shape of tusks. In an interview for the next issue of Ignored Elephants Monthly she is tipped to divulge the true devastation that being ignored can mean for a pachyderm; “Honestly, if it weren’t for this really thick skin I don’t think I’d have made it through this terrible ordeal..”