we used to be just The Hadron Collider in the good old days, before that Cern lot came swanking around with their bloody fancy tunnel said Alfonse L'Impellier as he showed our reporter around the semi-derelict facility in a Brussels industrial estate.
Adapted from an army surplus Ferris Wheel - 'No-one had ever thought of laying one on its side before. Genius.' confided Afonse- in its heyday anyone who wanted to give their Hadrons a damn good smacking made a beeline for Belgium.
'Those were the days' chuckled Alfonse as he recalled tales of knocking seven bells out of all manner of Hadrons morning, noon and night. 'Course, it all changed when we had the letter come. We fought all the way through the courts but they insisted and once we'd had to rename as 'Small Hadron Collider' work simply dried up and we were broke. We tried to call a converted Merry-go-round the 'small' so we could at least go for 'Medium Hadron Collider' but they weren't having it'.
We left Alfonse sitting wistfully in his office by a dusty phone, as the work-experience lad aimlessly kicked a battered old Hadron shard around the car park.