David Cameron denied trying to buy the election when he announced a new scrappage scheme for out of date and polluting governments today. Every household will have the opportunity to vote out their existing model in exchange for £2000 and a shiny new Tory cabinet. Dealers in some marginal constituencies are already offering up to £4000 trade-in made up of tax breaks and local investment to get people to update.
The new Tory model uses a Cameron-litic converter which vents 90% of PR through the leader who contains precious metals (such as a silver spoon) which filter out negative press. This enables him to emit only sweet smelling middle-class friendly policies. Labour on the other hand belch out hot gas through a variety of ministers and backbenchers. Their leader is based on an outdated 1970s British Leyland model and can’t be updated as old Labour parts are no longer available.
It is hoped the scheme this will cut emissions with a 50% reduction in spin and soundbites.
Our aim is to get as many of these clapped-out old bangers of the street as possible, mainly Downing Street.