The US administration is to harness the well-documented arsehole-usurping efficacy of hallucinogenic beverages in an attempt to overthrow the Iranian regime, say sources close to the White House.
The airdrop is to be accompanied by a reworking of the classic 80s Nescafe ad starring Anthony Head a keffiyeh and sandals. In the newly revised conceit Iranian viewers will be subjected to a tedious and needlessly protracted suburban melodrama in which the original ‘will they/won’t they’ sexual subtext is replaced with the protagonists’ lingering yet unspoken desire to organise a revolutionary anti-theocratic Facebook collective.
Although seen as an unexpected development by some, attempts to catalyze revolutionary fervor using hot drinks and dissolvable psychoactive compounds have a long and brightly coloured history.
Memoirs recovered only recently reveal a series of botched experiments by Nazi scientists to isolate Bovril as early as 1939, while, no sooner had the Berlin wall collapsed, reports began to surface of a collaboration between Soviet mathematicians and Californian beatnik defectors to build the world’s largest kettle.
Meanwhile, in the US, Czechoslovakian baristas were openly assisting American efforts to construct an effective long-range percolator. To this day, some still maintain the ‘apparent’ ubiquity of Starbucks outlets as an example of the unintended global fallout from these tests.
It’s understood the operation will adopt the same deployment tactics that have proved so adept at maximising civilian disruption in recent wars; namely precision-guided strikes solely on established military targets.
Rumours that the coffee of choice will be weapon’s grade Arabica have been described by the US Defense Department as “Completely unfounded, a bit racist, but a very good idea.”