Smiling to the camera and waving to a horde of fawning foreign ministers, Colonel Gadaffi exclusively revealed that the Libyan revolution had been staged in collaboration with a coalition of Western Democracies to return ex-pats before the end of the financial year, slashing their national debts and enabling the schools, hospitals and police stations of impoverished nations to remain open with their whopping tax bills.
Journalists were aghast as the complicated tale was related articulately by the man already being labelled as the Saviour of Capitalism.
The entire operation began with a visit to Libya from Tony Blair, where a leaked press photograph of a handshake between the two world leaders nearly rumbled it at the outset, necessitating an elaborate cover story. Colonel Gadaffi said 'When Tony explained the horrific spectre of the credit-cruch that was looming over his humble nation I couldn't help but be moved to do something to help'.
Insurrection in Egypt created a solid 'pre-story' and set the stage for the Libyan revolt to build. As Gadaffi arranged for areas of his happy, contented country to be riven by warfare, the United States and the EU prepared internment camps staffed by elite Tax Officials.
As the rescue cries from the ex-pats became more strident, it was essential to fine tune the evacuations so they had maximum earnings but could still be held in their own countries for the required period of a month and a day to warrant taxation at the highest possible rate. In Britain, this led to confusion over the short February month and planes even had to fake engine failure to avoid going too soon.
When eventually the terrible financial consequences for the ex-pats became clear, Prime Minister David Cameron showed impressive resolution by sending in the SAS to drag them out. As the story was relayed, many journalists finally realised why it had been necessary to send a crack troop of highly trained soldiers merely to help some oil workers up a plane's steps. Photographs were shown of the ex-pats camp where fingernails could clearly be seen still embedded in the door frames and a trail of bitter tears led to the runway.
The ex-pats now face a month-and-a-day in high security compounds, awaiting April 1st when the full enormity of their financial sacrifice will hit them and our national debt, like every other Western Nation, will become a thing of the past. Join this newspaper in hailing Colonel Gadaffi as the Hero who Cancelled the Credit Crunch!