For years, conservatives, right-wingers and evoluntionary theorists alike have been skeptical about the stance taken by many homosexuals that homosexuality is involuntary and is a naturally occurring condition that exists from birth. Questions about why either god or evolution would create homosexuals have been difficult to answer.
However, all was revealed today when gay organisations around the world admitted that the whole thing had been a joke. Terry Stamps, president of a prominent gay organisation, has a typical story.
"Basically as a typical teenager I was looking for a way to really get up my mom's nose. What better way than to pretend that I was sexually interested in men? Not only was her reaction hilarious but it got her off my back about when she was going to get grandchildren."
"Oh it was a real laugh" said George Boy, one of many celebrities who took part in the hoax. "I got to wear all these ridiculous clothes and talk in a silly voice and people would've given me a really hard time about if they'd thought I was straight."
We asked Mr Boy if he had not in fact been given a hard time about being gay.
"Oh yeah. But we gays enjoy a "hard time" if you know what I mean. See? That's what I'm talking about, comedy gold!"
Mr Boy was also asked if he had in fact ever had sex with men.
"Well yes, but only to keep the prank alive, otherwise people would've seen right through it. It was really difficult to keep a straight face during the sex though because we're all thinking to ourselves "hahaha everyone thinks we're actually gay" but you had to be careful because if you did the wrong thing you might end up blowing it. Ooh there I go again! Hahahaha! Still what I went through is nothing compared to what the Muslim guys in on the joke did, some of them ended up executed. I bet they must've really struggled to keep a straight face before they were killed, it would've been absolutely hilarious to fool all those judges and executioners and everything."
"Gay" people around the world have now revealed to their family that they were in fact normal heterosexuals all this time and merely using the movement as a way of venting against mainstream society. In this it has been compared to punk rock, right down to the questionable fashion and music.
"Ooh the music!" said Stamps. "We thought that was a real giveaway. Honestly, the idea of grown men listening to Kylie Minogue and Take That. But the public bought it! We were wetting ourselves."
The revelation also casts a new light on homosexuality through history. It turns out all the Greeks were well butch, but first years at Cambridge substituted pages describing widespread homosexual acts into textbooks in order to embarrass teachers and it then became accepted fact. The great wit Oscar Wilde also merely pretended to have been convicted for sodomy because he thought it would cause a sensation and draw attention to his work. Scholars can now say that the real reason for his trial and incarceration was that he once punched Queen Victoria in the face after a game of whist went wrong.
