The Christian pressure group Christ’s Crusaders are calling on people to join them in their campaign to stop the teaching of gravity. Launched today the campaign will see protests outside educational establishments from nurseries to universities with protesters urged to carry placards stating ‘God Hates Gradient’ and ‘Gravity Pulls You Into Hell’ in order to get their message across.
The National Director of Christ's Crusaders, Jonathan Franklin, said that the campaign was long overdue. ‘Gravity is another way in which we see so-called scientists trying to erase the wonder and mystery of the world with their alleged rational thought and petty logical process of experimentation and elimination. Things fall because God wants them to. It’s as simple as it is complicated as it is open as it is unknowable and that's the beauty of faith.’
‘How can young people today grow up with any sense of love and value if they are taught that they and all the things that they hold dear can randomly fall to the ground and in some cases be picked up again due to cold, unfeeling scientific law? This kind of godless negativity leads to binge-drinking, knife crime and Peaches Geldof.’
As well as the protests Christ's Crusaders will also be naming and shaming science teachers on their website http://www.einsteinsinotfine.com and holding a ‘mass bounce’ in Trafalgar Square where anything up to dozens of people will jump up and down for half an hour in order to demonstrate the versatility of God’s love.
‘We have high hopes that our call for the teaching of gravity to be banned will be a great success,’ said Franklin. But we shall not be turning our back on previous endeavours. The campaign for the banning of any and all foreign language teaching in schools in favour of compulsory instruction on speaking in tongues will continue.’