Colonel Gaddafi’s grip on reality slipped even further last night after he threatened to use mustard gas against the African continent’s meerkat population .
The dictator claims the animals, of the genus Suricata, have been plotting against him from their stronghold in the Kalahri after he failed to secure a cheap deal on his car insurance.
Since losing his grip on power, the bloodthirsty dictator has been beset by a series of automotive woes, the latest of which has left him contemplating renewing his car insurance after Admiral failed to cough up for a busted wing mirror.
And the dictator says the company were unjustified in cancelling his No Claims Bonus after a driver went into the back of his Honda Civic at a notorious accident blackspot in downtown Tripoli.
Ali Abdul Akbari , Head of Libya’s Interior Ministry for the last six hours, said:
“The Colonel has every right to be pissed off as he was covered for Third Party, Fire and Theft. He’s been with Admiral ever since he came to power.”
“He demanded that the guy in the advert dressed as an admiral, be brought to him so that we could serve up his head on a plate. We told him that it was just a paid actor but he was having none of it.”
With a view to ditching Admiral, the despot turned to price comparison websites such as comparethemarket.com but managed only to compare a succession of meerkats. He is now convinced of a conspiracy in which meerkats and their western backers are conspiring to prevent him from saving money.
However, experts last night dismissed the conspiracy theories claiming that, in his irrational state, he is no longer able to distinguish the word “meerkat” from “market”.
Insurance Market Analyst, Malcolm Goodier, said:
“The thing is - if Gaddafi wants to idle the day away on a website that allows him to select a variety of humorous outfits that a meerkat might wear then he is absolutely fine with comparethemeerkat.com ”
“If, however, he is seeking a cheap deal on his car insurance, then he really is better off with comparethemarket.com . “
“It’s really not that difficult.”