Earlier reports of a 0.5% shrinkage in December have now been amended to reflect the bad weather, Christmas overspending and Mr Smith's wife's additional trips to the tanning parlour
The Office for National Statistics use Mr Smith as their constant in any monetary assessments and say that the earlier report had been undermined by Mrs Smith stuffing receipts down the back of the sofa, only to be discovered after clearing up some baby sick
"I'm happy to help the UK get a sense of reality in all fiscal matters" says Mr Smith as he finishes off his eleventh YouGov survey of the day "having graduated from Uni with a 2:1 in Joe Public Studies, I was chuffed to team up with the ONS and be "Mr Average" in all aspects. Average, height, weight, earnings, mid-range car, 2.4 children, the lot
It does mean I perk up when I hear people in the pub say "on average" as I can always chirp in with some salient facts. Although some people take it better than others" he said pointing at a larger than average sticking plaster across his broken nose "I had hoped for a medium size plaster but no, they had to be different at the NHS. I expect they knew who I was and did it for a giggle
Im doing a patient survey now, so I know who will be having that last laugh ..."