The Government will recruit pharmacy staff to carry out the 2011 UK-wide census, the Office for National Statistics confirmed yesterday.
“Chemists are the only professionals who undergo training in asking intrusive questions, loudly, in public. Their skills in wheedling out the exact nature and location of a pain, how long it's been itching, or whether a cough is ‘tickly’ or ‘chesty’ is ample qualification for asking people on the doorstep whether the man inside is in fact their husband and/or the father of their kids, and if not, letting you know that you're no better than you should be” said ONS spokeswoman Donna Jacobsen.
The original plan was to use the interrogation tactics of staff from Subway and Costa outlets, but this plan was scrapped after estimates showed that each interview could last up to two days.
The census will take place on 27 March and is designed to be a ‘snapshot’ of the nation. Questions include ethnic group, educational qualifications, how you’re feeling in yourself, isn’t the new Masterchef a bit of a let-down and have you heard from Darren recently?