An announcement that, in order to avoid offending minorities, Sam Cameron and Sarah Brown will be wearing burkas in their forthcoming mud-wrestling contest was met with dismay by the press today.
Paul Dacre, editor of the Daily Mail, says that while mud wrestling between women in an advanced democracy is ‘vile and degrading’ and is an affront to the great British public, the decision to wear burkas is yet another instance of ‘political correctness gone mad’. He says he will stand up for the right for his readership to see pictures of the contest ‘in the flesh’ and decide for themselves just how offended they are.
Richard ‘Dirty’ Desmond says that the readers of the Express are also affronted and intrigued, while readers of sister-title the Daily Star have been treated to a photo-spread of the contest using lookalike models who gradually lose their coverings, entitled ‘Burkas to Bare-Faced Cheek’.
The Telegraph’s Bryony Gordon asks why attractive consenting women should not wrestle in mud or any other substance in today’s post-feminist world, while Polly Toynbee of the Guardian says that the privileged Sam Cameron’s exposure to hunting and other barbaric practices indulged in by the upper classes will give her an unfair advantage and she should have her hands tied behind her back.
Rupert Murdoch’s Sun and Times titles carry nothing of the story, following Sky TV’s failure to land exclusive broadcasting rights, while the FT says markets will fall harder if Cameron loses but that the City expects to make bumper profits from spread betting on the contest regardless of the outcome. The Independent says it has enough troubles of its own, thank you.
Requests from the Archbishop of Canterbury and the Pope, that the women should wear crucifixes in the interests of balance, have been rejected because of the choking and scratching hazard. Both are understood to have booked ringside seats.