The BBC today responded to allegations that The Real Hustle a show about conmen had attempted to fool viewers by using actors instead of members of the public.
Dawn Garnet, BBC 3 Head of Light Froth, said: “For Christ’s sake, get a grip. It’s a reality TV show; you aren’t supposed to believe what happens in it.”
A spokesperson for Objective Productions, which makes the show, said: “The show intends to show the public how frauds work. Well, this is how frauds work.”
The spokesperson then rolled their eyes and said: “Sheesh.”
Brian Porteous, a credulous lunk from Romford, told the Mail on Sunday: “BBC lies... make brain hurt.”
Outcry over the allegations has led twos of people to jam the BBC Switchboard demanding to know if other BBC shows are faking it. For example, is Patsy Kensit a fully qualified health care professional?
Garnet sighed: “I had a stack of things to do this week, but instead here I am being wheeled out yet again to explain to dunces that The Real Hustle might be real although they think it’s fake, and that Hustle is fake despite them thinking it might be real. The problem is that Hustle is so convincing people actually think Robert Vaughan is in it, when in fact he’s simply a hand inside a brown paper bag with a face and eyes drawn on it.”
Baz Dalyrymple, TV correspondent at the Mail on Sunday, which broke the story, said: “When BBC 3 viewers squat down to watch these kind of shows they like to fantasise that they themselves could successfully ‘hustle’ a ‘mark’ simply by using a jacket with pockets, hand-drawn £20 notes and a fake office block complete with dummy cash machine. If it turns out this is all just a lark with actors instead of real chumps then there is every chance that when viewers attempt to emulate these scams they will be banged up in the clink, and have their dirtbox ravaged by a large chap called Darren.”
The success of both Hustle and The Real Hustle has led to BBC bosses to plan further spin-offs including The Unreal Hustle in which the conmen are ghosts (although probably they’re not) and The Surreal Hustle in which a large ham sandwich attempts to convince members of the public it’s coronation chicken.
The Objective spokesperson added: “Actually for the next series of The Real Hustle we’re going to employ a team of journalists from The Mail just to show how fucking gullible the British public can be when they read this shit.”