In a shock revelation leaked from Downing Street this morning, David Camerons plans for the "Big Society", his much vaunted scheme to get Britain moving again without the unwieldy bureaucracy that hampers most activities these days, from borrowing a book from the library to having a hysterectomy on the NHS, have been fully revealed.
As soon as an army of volunteers had taken over every previously state sponsored and paid for position, he planned to revert to true Tory values and privatise the Big Society, selling them off to his banker chums, who would buy them all with their massive bonuses, thus circulating the money supply, which was in danger of drying up if all the bankers decided to take all their bonuses out in cash on the same day.
The Bank of England said that the printing presses at the Royal Mint were already working round the clock on the £50 note, just in case this happened, but they were still about three months behind in production.
When asked for a statement, David Cameron said, "Tomorrow belongs to me!", before being driven off in the back of an open topped Mercedes to inspect the troop.*
*Due to savage budget cuts, the British Army now consists of Private Harry Jenkins (ret.), of 25 Acacia Avenue, Penge.(not saturdays)