The BBC confirmed today that retailer Ann Summers will participate in product placement for the revival of classic drama Upstairs Downstairs.
Anne Summers founder and MD Jacqueline Gold says the new show will be chock full of historically accurate gusset straps and steam-powered dildolators.
Jacqueline Gold says: “To compete with the likes of Downton Abbey, the Beeb have decided that a new Upstairs Downstairs needs to have a bit of sizzle to go alongside the social commentary. Now that restrictions are being lifted on product placement on UK TV we feel it is the ideal time to launch a tasteful range of Edwardian-styled nurses outfits and chocolate cocks.”
Rebecca Corner, Deputy Controller of BBC One, says: “This was an extraordinary time of social change in Britain in which class structures and relationships were tested to the limit. Downstairs is echoing to the sound of working class revolt, whilst upstairs you can hear what sounds like spanking. I think we’ve succeeded in mixing the gritty realism of Boardwalk Empire with the period detail of Carry on Screaming.”
Writer Victoria Gilbert says: “The new Upstairs Downstairs will whisk viewers off on a nostalgic journey, not only back in time, but back to characters we know and love, albeit with a modern twist. For instance that bit in episode two where Mr Hudson inserts a massive doo-daa into Mrs Bridges whoopsy-do, without so much as a by your leave, will certainly ring a few bells with older viewers.”
Production Manager Ron Hedges insists that the watchword was authenticity. He says: “The purification of silicon for industrial applications was in its infancy in 1919 so if you were going to make a 14-inch cheek spreader you were pretty much limited to a sturdy varnished oak. This was a time when physical intimacy carried with it the inherent dangers of unwanted pregnancy, social disease or splinters.
“We worked closely with the Ann Summers team to create sophisticated replicas of the products favoured by the devilish young rakes and flighty young slatterns of the era; including crotchless pantaloons, tweed love cuffs and horsehair bum ticklers.
“We then built a replica Edwardian dresser and hid them all in the top drawer under some smocks.”
Luke Wilmot, BBC Head of Old Show Recommissioning said, “We want to reassure viewers that this isn’t a case of gratuitous product placement for the sake of it. Each and every vibe, lube, cream and faux wang is integral to the plot. For example, this is an era of female emancipation and giving the characters an Ann Summers instant-boob-job bra means they can get a much fiercer blaze going.”