Coalition MPs were urged to up the ante on the sleaze front today, being encouraged to get involved in any number of sordid activities. In a brief interview given in-between poll dancers, Jeremy Farquhar (Tory) explained “This is a well-considered policy, designed to provide a smoke screen while we f**k up the country. Our brief is quite simple; thong in fact. Go against the grain and become involved in all manner of extra-curricular activities, the dirtier the better”.
However, there has been a word of caution issued; be original. The Chancellor for Pulling the Wool explained “S&M is So Last Season. We are a new type of government which demands a new type of sleaze”.
This of course, goes against the grain of the Prime Minister’s infamous acceptance speech, when he alluded to his desire that, in the spirit of cohesiveness, the more ‘passive’ LibDems get their needs met, “ We want to ensure that ‘people’ are in control - and that the politicians are always their servant and never their master’.
This has been met with distain by many traditional Tories. Lord Pepperpot quipped, “I’m old-skool. I like my women like I like my politics – whipped”.
There have been rumours of a split in the coalition, with LibDem MPs being slightly less willing to let their hair down. One Lib-Dem MP, who preferred not to be named for fear of ‘letting the side down’, told us “I am considering my position carefully”.