In an unprecedented move, guaranteed to cause outcry and outrage in Government circles, pinstriped City bankers have refused to accept bonuses !
An enraged Government spokesman commented :’This is outrageous, billions of pounds in tax will be lost to HMRC and have to be recouped from the hard working populace. Plans for reducing the Government’s debt have now been put at risk due to the intolerable self indulgent action of these champagne and caviar swigging Fat Cats. These people live in another world and neither consider nor care about the impact of their actions on the ordinary working man, striving to live on a monthly pittance in a world far removed from that of luxury Gentlemens clubs in St James. We expect income tax rises of at least 3p in the pound’
An equally enraged Union spokesman said ‘ It’s all very well for these so called minor public school Investment bankers, quaffing port and stilton, pontificating in front of their blazing log fires in their weekend retreats in the Cotswolds, whilst their 2.4 kids are being cosseted by Eastern European Nannies. My members will be organising National Days of Action and Strikes to co-incide with the start of the public school holidays and the impending Royal Marriage. Any inconvenience to the public is naturally unintentional and regretted.’
And as for those that have caused this outrage? A spokesman for the Investment Bankers responding to claims that insufficient thought had been given to this announcement said : ‘ Bankers are just like you and I-being raised on Estates, but usually Landed rather than Council. We have long realised that the intense effort involved in arranging mergers, buyouts and flotations over a civilised lengthy lunch with a few Whitty Bay oysters and several rather splendid bottles of Chablis with our public school chums has long been misunderstood by the general public and those in the media. However it has been alleged that the actions of maybe one or two individuals acting in isolation could possibly have caused the downfall of the International Banking and Economic system. As such and in order to appease the public and the media, we have decided to forego bonuses for the foreseeable future. This is a PR initiative which will return Bankers to their natural place in the public’s affections – slightly above the status of Estate Agents, Double Glazing and Designer Kitchen salesmen.’
Bankers say 'No' to Bonuses
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In an unprecedented move, guaranteed to cause outcry and outrage in Government circles, pinstriped City bankers have refused to accept bonuses !Posted 6 years ago #
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