When John Spears, whose email address is firstname.lastname@example.org, started to get spam emails apparently sent from his own email account, he began to get worried. Had he been hacked? Was his laptop harbouring a nasty virus unbeknown to him? His nagging thoughts increased in line with the volume of emails – offers of V1aGrA and C1Alis, whatever they might be, and also warnings of security breeches, from banks where he doesn’t actually have an account.
However, one email stood out. Entitled “Are You Letting Her Down?”, and sent from John’s own email address at two o’clock in the morning, the message questioned some of John’s basic fears. No, he was forced to admit to himself. He is letting his wife/girlfriend down. He could put a smile on her face if he was larger.
Biting the bullet, John replied. Dear John, he wrote, John here. You’re right. I am actually worried about the size of my manhood, although I have never really told anyone about this. Of course Sandra’s never said anything, and I haven’t had many opportunities to do a fair comparison across other men my age, but – do you know it feels good to talk about this with someone.
And sure enough, later the following evening, “John” replied. “I knew it”, the email read. “Have you ever considered that your insecurities – which often manifest themselves by your drinking too much at social occasions – could be down to this fundamental weakness? Your natural being is at odds with your societal one, and you harbour fear and resentment towards alpha-males? Perhaps this is all because you feel your father was distant?”
“Yes indeed!” replied John. “Thanks so much for your help, or was it ... my help. Oh, and the other thing, your request for help accessing neglected funds in a Nigerian unnumbered deposit account? Here, have my bank details.”