NEW YORK - Researchers at a New York university have found out that Scientology is a mental illness, ironically.
Scientology is a somehow recognised religion in America (and Jedi isn't?!), exempting it from paying certain taxes, whereas in sensible nations it is deemed a large social group or a cult. The new findings are somewhat ironic as Scientology believes that psychology is a psudo-science, rendering many conditions fake in their eyes, including autism, dyslexia, and mild mannerexia.
"We looked at data from hospital admittances and Scientology followers and the like," said Prof. Mark Bailley, "and we found a significant correlation between the amount of Scientologists and mental health sufffers. Because we want to give those fuckers what's what, we've diagnosed Scientology as a Catagory A social mental disorder. We've also had our findings checked by Imperial College London and the Psychology Research Facility in the University of Birmingham, so shove it dicks."
Senators on both sides of the aisle had put in a fast-tracked bill to downgrade the status of Scientology, to 'charitable contributions for Scientology sufferers', meaning they pay as much tax as a non-profit.
"Uhhh..." said a now former loser--- I mean Scientologist, "What? What's a bill? Who's a Senate?"
However, Hollywood Scientologists Tom Cruise or whatever has tried to use his Level 9-approved Hypno-Beam to attract supporters, however it has failed, due to the fact no-one believes Scientology is a religion any more.
As of press time, two strange men turned up at this reporter's home address and took him away, never to be seen again.