NEW YORK - Experts from across the globe have convened at the United Nations Conference on Poverty in New York City. The research is shocking.
The survey, which was carried out in over two hundred countries over two years, has found out that poverty is caused by lack of money.
Sociologists are saying the report has proven their gut feeling.
"See," said Dr. Ann Dean, at the University of Birmingham. "We have isolated hundreds and hundreds of cases of poverty, and have found out that of these people, nearly 99.99% had low pay or a lack of money."
The report is embraced with open arms in most governments, bar China, world's biggest asshole.
"What?" said I-Em-Lia. "Poverty is just a Western concept to undermine greatness and one-ness of China people. China number one in everything. We have no poor. Everyone just voluntarily give money to fund glorious nation."
However the Obama government and Republicans have took onboard the report's findings, which indicates that America is one of the lowest OECD nations on the list.
"We thought poverty was caused by crime," said a spokesman for the Department of Anti-Poverty. "But now we know that it is caused by the evils of no money, we can tackle the problem head-on."
As of tomorrow, all bail-outs paid or to be paid will instead be re-directed to the poorest Americans instead of big companies.
As of press time, an accidental error meant that this reporter gets some US Pover-Stimulus money.