Police were called to a disturbance at the Blue Rinse Cafe on Eastbourne seafront earlier today to deal with the type of violence not seen since the mid 1960’s
When Police first arrived at the scene they came under a hail of Werthers Original and were forced to withdraw to a safe distance
They found a smartly dressed gang clad in sharp suits and Union Jack Parkas involved in a standoff with a rival gang from the Happy Days Carecentre. The mobility gang had been riding their scooters up and down the seafront for much of the morning, taunting the Happy Days gang who had been sitting outside the cafe gently nodding to and fro on their comfy slat-back chairs.
The scooter gang had been jeering their rivals about the dated leather studded upholstering they still used – a style which had been popular in England during the 1950s but which was now considered ‘uncool’ by the modern scooter gang.
‘Trouble began when the leader of the Happy Days gang flashed a pair of Black Eames at the leader of the scooter gang and everything kicked off’ said PC Hargreaves first to arrive at the scene ‘they clearly came looking for trouble. Just look at this cake slice we found near the crime scene and this chain could have taken someone’s eye out if they hadn’t removed the St.Christopher first’.
It seems a dispute over who gets the park benches nearest the war memorial on pension day had brought about tension between the rival gangs. Police suspect the gangs had planned the meeting outside the Blue Rinse Cafe after finding handwritten letter on headed note paper from the scooter gang formally inviting their rivals to ‘something tasty down on the seafront’
Clashes went on late into the afternoon forcing police to declare the Blue Rinse Cafe a no-go area - which was bad news for all those insisting they were already desperate and couldn’t hold out much longer. For several hours members from both gangs were involved in running battles along the seafront – probably brought on by a particularly strong lemon & ginger herbal infusion they’d had for breakfast.
The Police were forced to lock up one mad old duffer, clearly suffering from advanced dementia after he insisted they called him Sting and claiming he was one of them
The man was later released without charge after somebody called Trudi sent a note saying ‘he was just being childish again and he still refuses to grow up and his name was really Gordon Mathew Thomas and he had become confused because he had missed taking his afternoon nap again’.
Trudi said Gordon had become depressed now that his old Tantric Train Set no longer worked properly and he was unable to get up a full head of steam anymore.
Police called to clash on Eastbourne seafront
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Police were called to a disturbance at the Blue Rinse Cafe on Eastbourne seafront earlier today to deal with the type of violence not seen since the mid 1960’sPosted 4 years ago #
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