Joyce Matthews, a devout Christian, has failed in her appeal against a decision by her employers to prevent her from undergoing actual crucifixion during her working hours. Speaking outside Stratford Employment Tribunal, a disappointed Ms Matthews said, ‘I feel persecuted simply for my religious beliefs. Until this decision, I would quite happily walk to work dragging my own cross behind me. During my lunch break and at times when other employees would go on permitted smoking breaks, I would arrange for colleagues to tie me to the cross so that I could be crucified for short periods of time. It never got in the way of my work and it allowed me to properly express my Christian beliefs. It is a sad day for British justice that this decision has been upheld.’
Hampshire Primary Care Trust explained that their decision to prevent Ms Matthews from such regular bouts of self-crucifixion in the workplace were justified on ‘patient safety grounds’. A spokesman said, ‘If, as happens on a busy emergency ward, there is an unexpected emergency then we need our nursing staff to be ready and able to assist in the provision of adequate healthcare. Sometimes, and this is a matter of considerable regret but a sad fact of life, there is insufficient time for Ms Matthews to be cut down from her lifesize cross so that she can measure a patient’s SATs or their blood pressure. Also, I’m sure that everyone here watches both Casualty and Holby City, and all of you will agree that it is clearly important for the nursing staff to shout, at regular intervals, that a patient is ‘tachicardic’. This simply cannot be done with credibility by a nurse in the midst of crucifixion.’
