Detention:
The old system: Police could arrest a suspect simply for looking shifty. The suspect would be either given a summarily beating there and then, or starved for 48 hours before accidentally falling down the stairs. Suspects who looked vaguely foreign could be held for a further 28 days before quietly disappearing with no record.
The new system: Suspects will have an eye kept on them until they commit at least two serious offences. If they continue to be naughty they will be given a good talking to. If they really won’t listen they will be asked to sit on the naughty step for half an hour then given a fiver out of the till.
Control orders
The old system: Suspect were scooped up, blindfolded and taken to a house hundreds of miles from home. They were subject to a strict curfew with explosive devices attached to their necks which would remove their heads if they strayed from the lounge area.
The new system: Suspects must stay at home for most of the time as long as they promise to be in bed with their eyes closed by midnight. They will be allowed full use of mobile phones, Internet and bomb making equipment.
The coalition says the new system will make police work bloody impossible.