Salisbury Council has today launched a new campaign to free its streets of drugs, following reports of an increased number of dealings in broad daylight.
Councillor Rupert Dumfries-Thornton-Jones said;
"It has come to our attention that the use and dealing of drugs has increased on our streets over the last few years. It would seem that we have been a tad slow to react to the problem, as for years we assumed reports of 'pushers' were simply of well-natured citizens assisting car drivers with flat batteries. OK, so we also assumed that 'peddlers' were merely those health-conscious amongst us doing their bit for the environment by cycling to work. And of course, given the history of Salisbury, we assumed that the term 'dealers' was simply the name for those persons making a living in the antiques world.
I'm surpised we haven't responded sooner, but then I never felt entirely comfortable when that nice local chap called, Steve, or Dave, I forget now, started supplying us with ready rolled cigarettes....."
A glazed look momentarily halted the councillor, before continuing "We have tried to encourage the bad element off of the High Street, by renaming a back street to 'Wasted Lane', although this merely seemed to attract an entirely different crowd. Funnily enough, a similar effort in clearing the street corners of prostitutes two years ago worked a treat when we told them they could only tout for business if they walked down Endless Street. People are just so lazy these days...."