In an effort to gain greater media exposure for the races at Ascot, the Crown Estate announced that the racecourse will be moved to Cairo's Tahir Square.
"We reckon that the protests will dissolve into uncontrollable laughter as Egyptians double over in helpless mirth, provoked by twits in morning dress and top hats, accompanied by women in competition to dress more ridiculously than the Royal Family," said a spokesman.
"Moreover, media coverage of Royal Ascot has declined substantially as the public has become bored with the same photographs, year after year, that confirm every negative stereotype of Britain. Recent efforts at Ascot to devote more space to money-spinning restaurants and corporate hospitality suites have inadequately enriched the royal purse. President Mubarak has assured us that if our effort is successful in quelling protests, he will divert 10% of US military aid he gets to the Queen's account at Coutts & Co. That still allows 90% to be diverted to Mubarak's own account at Coutts."