After spending the last 10 years fronting hit shows such as X Factor and American Idol, music impresario Simon Cowell is once again set to revolutionise the way we produce musical talent here in the UK by unveiling the world’s first instant ‘pop- noodles’.
Cowell insists that by simply adding water to his latest insipid concoction, he is now able to produce the most formulaic pop artists since Westlife were churned ‘ready made’ off the conveyor belt. Just stir the bland, diluted ingredients together, leave to stand for a while and a new star is born every few minutes.
The new, ready prepared ‘pop-noodles’ could be available to consumers within weeks but critics have been quick to point out that Cowell’s latest protégées have an incredibly limited shelf life and must either be consumed within hours of manufacture or face being dumped in the bargain bin along with the rest of his acts.
The company behind Cowell’s latest venture say the homogenised ‘pop-noodles’ come in an easy unchallenging sanitised package, are completely taste free and can be instantly spoon fed to audiences of all ages.
The ‘pop-noodle’ will come in several of Cowell’s already trademark flavours, such as saccharine, saccharine plus and saccharine lite. Customers are told to be on the lookout for their favourite brand of ‘pop-noodle’ – Saturday nights will soon be heaving to the sounds of the Cuppa-Cole, Boyle in a Bag, Extremely Ill Devo and the not to be forgotten, Paul Pot .
Altogether now, let’s give it up for Cheryl...... 1 – 2- 3 .....Barfffffffffffffff
I know it's an open wound that has already been covered...but here's my take on it