The Home Office today confirmed that their latest technological marvel in the fight against crime and illegal activity – an online map of crime hotspots – has been stolen.
“This is just typical. Typical of the sort of selfish attitude that spoils it for everyone”, said Home Secretary Theresa May.
“Many, many people thought that having an exciting map that can show you how many murderers and rapists live next to your parents was a really really good idea. It has been scientifically proven that being able to look at statistics of the incidence of violent and distressing crime has a calming effect on the population.”
“I can’t believe that one of you has had the temerity to steal this exciting new project. I am therefore ordering the whole country to stay behind until whoever did this owns up.”