Nearly two thousand years after it was originally prophesied during the Sermon on the Mount, it has now been officially confirmed that the Meek have inherited the Earth. Speculation has now been growing about what they will do with it, however, with many fearing that the Meek are too shy and inhibited to ask for advice.
'Well, well, this is a bit of a surprise,' said Raymond Muldowney, a mild-mannered deputy bank manager from Shanklin on the Isle of Wight, who had hitherto been best known for having the finest model railway collection on the holiday island. 'Apparently I'm in charge of all precious metal deposits in southern Africa now! That's a turn-up for the books.'
Muldowney admitted that he is more at ease with handing out hymn books at All Saints Shanklin than organising mining concessions or paying off local militias. He is also unsure of who to appoint to middle management positions, given that it is also woe unto the rich, the strong, the lawyers, the Pharisees and anyone else who ever had anything to do with organising things.
'I do so hate to make a fuss,' he said. 'I tried asking those who hunger and thirst after righteousness, but they've been filled and are sleeping it off. The poor in spirit have all vanished - somewhere nice I hope - and the pure in heart are just wandering around in a bit of daydream after getting the Kingdom of Heaven. Perhaps my wife Doreen could ask some of her friends at the bridge club?'
No other meek people could be contacted for comment, as they were all hiding under a table in the back room when reporters called on them. Some cynical observers have argued that they have only been given their inheritance now because of the mess left over by the previous regime. Nonetheless, all parties have agreed that such is the situation.
'It's definitely woe unto us,' said City investment banker Peregrine Stockdale. 'Rich, greedy, deceitful ... yup, you got us bang to rights there. And now I'm only getting 50% of my annual bonus and my girlfriend won't let me play the rusty French horn on her until she gets another pair of gold shoes. What a disaster - well, frankly, the Meek are welcome to the Earth, they probably only got given it because they are too weak to refuse.'