A Romford man has become the first person to have his rectum exorcised following an outbreak of Ghost Poos.
David McManus, 28, of Riverside Close encountered his first Phantom Poop three weeks ago whilst on holiday in France.
“My initial thought was that I’d done a poo, it certainly felt that way. But after wiping, I checked the paper, and it was still white. Albeit slightly wet. I immediately stood up and gazed into the bowl, but there was not a turd in sight”.
David believed this to be a one off, what with him being abroad ‘n’ shit. However, just two days later in his home town of Romford, the Ghostly Log struck again.
“It really started to freak me out. I was eating the same amount of Favourite Chicken & Ribs as before, but my poos kept disappearing. Then I started to question whether or not I’d actually eaten at all. Had I imagined it?”
Mr McManus, in his desperation, contacted local priest Father Arthur Beans, of Collier Row Methodist Church. Father Beans agreed to perform an exorcism of David’s butthole in order to rid him of his brown demons.
“I’ve exorcised plenty of houses before, and even some teenagers. Exorcising an anus is no different.”.
And it appears David is not alone.
After posting the tale of his plight on Living TV’s Ghost Hunter forum, he was inundated with curious emails including one from the network’s commissioning editor, who offered to televise the de-ghosting of David’s fudge tunnel.
However, Mr McManus has already sold the rights to Sky, who will be broadcasting the exorcism live in 3D.