My intention for this thread is for it to be an ongoing thing where someone puts an article up for examination and feedback in order to workshop it a bit. This is different from a normal sub thread where people just comment or not as they will, this time you're asking for "expert" and specific advice on the article. Particularly I'm looking for insight as to why a piece didn't "come off" like the writer expected so they can adjust and improve.
Note: In order for this to work well we should only discuss one article at a time till the author of that article feels that things are pretty much done and says so. Then someone else is welcome to submit their own article. Otherwise millions of articles might be thrown into the thread at once and things will get messy.
Why would you want to do this though anyway, what's the point of the workshop? Well in my case, and I'm sure I'm not the only one this happens, you occassionally write a piece and go "Damn that's good, this is going to slay them, I'm hilarious." And then you sit back and watch as the article sinks without a trace.
What's happened here is your comedy radar has malfunctioned or something about the delivery was messed up and it's worrying because I think we all agree that this doesn't happen to good comedians.
So here's the link to the article. I thought this was really really funny and quite clever and original, so I was wondering if people could tell me what they think it might be that turned people off. Is it really no spaces between the paragraphs? I think it must be something to do with the piece itself.
Anyway once I get a few pointers and I feel I understand what went wrong so I know not to do it next time, I'll invite someone else to do the same and off we go :)