Peter and Hazelmary Bull, of the Chymorvah Hotel, near Penzance, are unrepentant about refusing to let a gay couple share a double bed.
“It’s not my job to make inflexible moral judgements about other people’s behaviour”, said Peter. “I leave that sort of thing to my wife”.
“As Christians we have a strict, unbending code of conduct”, said Hazelmary, “that precludes any pleasurable activity that isn’t specifically sanctioned by the Bible. We believe in the literal truth of every word in the Good Book, even the stuff that makes no sense.
“We can’t stop people being homosexual - more’s the pity - but while they are under our roof we insist that they abstain from sexual deviance. We simply cannot allow two men to share a bed in our lovely home, engaging in the kind of unnatural sexual acts which brought Sodom and Gomorrah to their knees, with one of them taking a tumescent penis between moist, generous lips, before having it rammed brutally up his arse. I don’t even want to think about it.
“People may be uncomfortable about the depth of our Christian faith, but that’s their problem, not ours. The truth can hurt, though not as much as having your testicles wired up to a car battery. Just ask my husband.”
Peter had the last word. “I don’t really like the idea of men shagging. Lesbians, on the other hand, I don’t mind at all. If good-looking women want to lick each other out, I’d be more than happy if they mustered in numbers, hired a hall and sold tickets. They’d certainly get a warm welcome here at the Chymorvah Hotel”...