The government today announced that British workers will have the privilege of working in harness until their dying breath. Minister at the Department of Work and Pensions, Iain Duncan Smith, has scrapped the compulsory retirement age of 65 and replaced it with a new system of toiling until you drop. "At a stroke we have dispelled the misery of millions of valuable man-hours wasted in enforced idleness, spending time with their grandchildren, or needlessly squandered on hobbies or holidays" said the minister's press release. "The fact that we can now increase the state pension to zero is just a happy coincidence, though a jolly clever one if I say so myself. If I had a tail I'd be wagging it right now."
The new move was widely welcomed amongst working people nearing retirement. Stephan Mclaughlin, a junior IT manager of twenty years service, said "I'm absolutely chuffed at this news. I was quietly dreading my years of leisure. Now I have maybe as much as 30 more years of deadlines, targets and being called a useless c**t by young turk middle management. And at the end of it I might have earned the right to curl up and die under my desk and be thrown out with the rest of the garbage. Or if I'm very lucky the company may sell off my physical remains as cattle cake to pay the last of my debts. I'm so happy."