Danny Boyle fans were in shock today after hearing the modified photocopier machine he uses to generate film plots had been stolen in a burglary.
In recent years Boyle has captivated audiences with a series of highly distinctive films in which the world is about to end/is ending/has ended when a deadly virus/killer/aliens/dirty bomb threatens London/Edinburgh/somewhere unspecified in the North (delete as applicable).
The films are set apart from each other by their very different titles such as: 28 Days, 28 Days Later, 28 Days Earlier, Please Allow 28 days for Delivery, and 24 (for which it’s thought he might be claiming undue credit).
It’s believed that Boyle discovered the theft in the early hours of Tuesday morning when he got home from the premiere of his latest movie, 127 Hours, and finding he had 15 minutes to spare, was planning to fire up the “Plot-a-tron” and crank out his next award-winning masterpiece.
Film industry insiders say that 15 minutes is an unusually long time for Boyle to spend over creating a plot and have speculated that the extra time might have been intended to allow him to type the words “3D” on the end of the title, which although currently unknown is almost certainly the name of yet another period of time, with smart money on Fourteen Days (inevitable alternative Cannes Film Festival title: Quinze Jours) .
The disappearance of the Plot-a-tron has also caused concern amongst animal welfare groups who now fear that the teams of trained monkeys in underground bunkers who are kept to transform Boyle’s plot outlines into actual dialogue may be under threat of euthanasia unless the machine is returned and their usefulness is restored.
When asked why he didn’t just write an original plot and script himself, Boyle replied, “You’ve got to be fucking joking! Everyone knows you don’t keep a monkey and then wank in public yourself. Jesus!”
Anyone with information on the whereabouts of the Plot-a-tron is strongly urged to keep it to themselves.