The BBC swatted aside further accusations of ageism and sexism last night following the sacking of 53 year-old Countryfile presenter Miriam O’ Reilly by insisting her replacement, the sexy 24 year-old “Michelle Moist” of the UK's leading skank channel Babestation, has been chosen purely for her deep appreciation of issues which affect the rural community .
After O Reilly’s successful claim for unfair dismissal, the BBC were forced to admit they would look forward to working with her again in the near future and say they are even prepared to foot the spiralling bills she runs up for anti-wrinkle cream .
Moist, meanwhile, will present the weekly rural affairs show in her own inimitable style by rubbing her pelvic bone against against a selected item of farm machinery each week while mouthing in filthy detail the best way to take advantage of the Common Agricultural Policy.
The show will also adopt a more interactive format with those condemned to live in the countryside invited to phone in to listen to Michelle and her friend Lucy's discuss the pressing issues of the day including crop rotation, how to whinge about generous EU subsidies before blowing your brains out with a shotgun and how you talking about your cock like that is making them really really hot.
John Craven, though saddened by O Reilly’s departure, insists he is looking forward to working with the curvaceous stunner.
"People in the industry tend to think of Michelle as just a pretty face but they need to look past the fake tan and simulated orgasms because therein lies a shrewd farming brain. I've recently started to imagine what her fanny might look like when she climbs over a stile. "
"Moist is a rather unusual surname though, I have to say, " the former Newsround presenter continued.
"Still, I expect it has something to do with the copious vaginal secretions one associates with a constant state of arousal. "