David Cameron has unveiled the replacement to Control Orders – a little bell that all suspected terrorists will be forced to wear to warn the public of their whereabouts.
'I got the idea looking at the Number 10 cat, Mr Snuffles,' explained the Prime Minister, 'he can be a right terror in the garden running after the birds – but all that stopped when we made him wear the little bell. We hope we can achieve the same effect with any suspected terrorists.'
Under the new provision, all terrorist suspects will be given the freedom to roam the streets but be placed under a strict order to 'tinkle at all times'.
Home Secretary Theresa May welcomed the solution. 'These counter-terrorism bells will allow suspects to go about their daily business but also warn the general public that they are in the vicinity.
'In the future, whenever people hear the tinkling of a little bell they will know that there could be a terrorist in the area, or worse still, a Morris dancer – either way they should run.'