John Wood (35) is so fed-up of being called 'a bit of a loner' by neighbours, he's thinking of joining a local club.
'Every time there's a murder or a bomb plot on our street,' Mr Wood said, speaking through his letter box, 'my neighbours tell the tele I'm a bit of a loner. I've watched them from behind my curtains talking to reporters. I've had enough.'
Mr Wood isn't sure which club he'll join but says it'll have to be a quiet one.
But neighbours Bill and Betty Roberts were unimpressed. 'He'll not join and even if he does it won't last long,' Mrs Roberts said. 'Quire honestly, as well as other things, Mr Wood is a bit of a loser.'