England have apparently re-discovered the rules and techniques required to play the sport known as “Cricket”, which they invented in the 16th century. This emerged after England beat Australia in the Ashes Test, which is apparently a very big deal.
England Captain Andrew Strauss was delighted with the result. “You say it’s called ‘Cricket’? How odd. I thought we were playing some kind of Australian-Rules version Rounders or some such nonsense”.
Peter Siddle also expressed joy and surprise. “It really is a fascinating game. First you put on your pyjamas. Then a man called a “bowler” – even though he doesn’t wear a hat – throws a ball at you, but in an underhand fashion, like a girl. If you make the ball go away and run back and forth between these things called “creases”, it’s apparently very good.”
The England team are ecstatic about their victory, though their celebration is slightly marred by the fact that they don’t understand the final score.
“644 to 280 and 281 by an innings and 83 runs?” asked a perplexed Chris Tremlett. “Why can’t it just be two numbers, like in football? You know, highest score wins, and whatnot?”