Police last night urgently requested that the yobs who stared Camilla directly in the eye should contact them immediately as they may require urgent medical attention.
Releasing photographs of the suspects, police insisted that it was for their own benefit and that they should at least report to the A&E ward of the nearest NHS hospital if they develop any of the symptoms associated with turning into a six foot pillar of stone.
Police say they are especially concerned for the welfare of two suspects, one of whom gazed into the Duchess of Cornwall’s eyes long enough for her to do the snake-thing with her hair.
They claim they have further footage which shows a woman with a stupid haircut repeatedly poking the Duchess in the ribs with a placard whereupon she is wrestled to the ground by a large python emanating from Camilla’s scalp. The python is clearly au fait with how to operate the electric rear windows on a Ford Galaxy and would be described as Ash blonde on the Henna scale when in its natural state.
One rioter, who wished to remain anonymous, said:
“I only stared at the Duchess for a nanosecond. Three days later I woke up in my bedsit covered in fox blood with an overwhelming urge to wreck my best friend’s marriage and tidy the kitchen . Such is her power. ”
“Hey maybe fees aren’t a bad idea after all. What's nine grand? I'd only spend it on Pulp albums. ”
Meanwhile, It has emerged that Camilla was barred from making further appearances at the Kensington & Chelsea Hospital after patients complained of a gritty sensation in their mouths following a fleeting visit she made last June.
Earlier this morning police cordoned off an area of Central London after a suspicious six-foot block of granite wearing spectacles and carrying a partially-read copy of Friedrich Engel’s “The Condition of the Working Class in England” was discovered in an alleyway off Regents Street.