The earthquake which hit northern England at 9pm last night has been blamed on John Prescott who fell off a ladder whilst reaching for some pies, sending shockwaves through Skipton.
The former MP and failed anorexic is said to have been suffering a mid-evening yearning for a couple more packs of mince pies before beginning his annual January detox.
House of Lords chums say that Lord “Of course I don’t want a peerage” Prescott had already scoffed four calling birds, three French hens, two turtle doves and a partridge in a pear tree which unsurprisingly had left him feeling rather peckish.
Some commentators have suggested that Mr Prescott might have misunderstood Government healthy eating guidelines leading him to wrongly believe that the “5-a-day” advice applied to Christmas treats as well as fruit, vegetables and shagging his secretary, although this was denied by a spokesman.
Lord Prescott’s lovely wife Pauline emerged from one of her husband’s many Jags to defend him against the accusations, saying: “John and I are deeply hurt by the scurrilous allegations in today’s tabloids. Although my husband has often been correctly described as a ‘political heavyweight’ he was not the cause of yesterday’s earth tremors. In fact he was making love to me at the time and I can categorically assure you that the earth did not move at our house.”
Lady Prescott continued, “In any case, John’s not allowed up ladders these days. Our lovely Polish au-pair Monika does all that for him whilst he thoughtfully stands below and looks up intently to ensure that she doesn’t fall. Although come to think of it, both our sons grew up and left home years ago so I’m not sure why we have an au-pair…”
Local MP William Hague was also hit by the incident whilst saying in a Leeds Travelodge after it caused him to trip and fall naked onto the pre-lubed cock of a male researcher with whom he was holding a strategy meeting.