Officers from HMP Ford today donned latex gloves in the latest attempt to get to the bottom of the recent outbreak of disorder. "We will be doing 'C' wing first as 'Matchbox' Steve has been grassed up as the con what lit the Christmas Pudding that kicked it all off" said Senior Officer T May.
Prisons minister Brispin Clunt said the formal inquiry would be led by the regional custody manager for Wales as "He has really long fingers and can reach parts of the rectum that no other Officers can reach."
Commenting to the Daily Wail he said "The prison is under control, but FF8282 Jeffrey Archer is being kept in solitary for his own safety. We don't want to lose The Ashes at this late stage".