Rioting broke out last night as inmates (mostly white collar criminals convicted of fraud) protested against the inhumane conditions. The aging accommodation blocks full of disbarred lawyers, city traders and accountants were set on fire in protest at the selection of hors d'œuvre and wine for the New Years Eve party.
The flashpoint occurred as guards handed out ready made vol-au–vents from a packet and red wine which hadn’t been allowed to breathe properly. There were reports from some inmates that the Chablis even had a screwtop rather than a cork.
Fireman tried to quell the flames but the sauna and casino blocks have been completely destroyed with widespread damage to the bowling alley. It is hoped that with the help of insider dealing tips that inmates will be able to pay for the millions of pounds of repairs themselves.
A convoy of vans seen outside the prison was mistakenly thought by reporters to be transport to other prisons but turned out to be the weekly delivery from Majestic Wines. Prison Governor Vernon Smythe said he wouldn’t stand for this kind of loutish behaviour and immediately halved the foie gras rations.