The centuries old rift between the Church of England and Rome may be about to be resolved thanks to the intervention of English comedian Harry Hill.
‘Over Easter I couldn’t decide between Pope Benedict and the Archbishop of Canterbury,’ explained the big-collared TV funny man.
‘I studied the Bible and prayed, but couldn’t find an answer as to who to support.
‘The Catholics have got the paedophiles and the Anglicans have got the woman problem – it’s difficult for the layperson, isn’t it?
‘So I thought – why not invite them onto my TV Burp show to fight it out. To my surprise, they agreed.’
Mr Hill said that Rowan Williams’ Easter attack on the Irish Catholic Church ‘nicely stirred things up’ and ‘got the Pope in a fighting mood’.
‘At first the Vatican wanted the fight to be with papal crosses, but it’s been agreed it’ll be a bare-knuckle scrap with both church leaders wearing their usual robes and hats,’ said Mr Hill. ‘Although the Pope is younger than the Archbishop, the Pontiff’s training in the Hitler Youth should even things up quite a bit.’
A Lambeth Palace spokesman said that Dr Williams ‘was up for it’ and was sure he would ‘sort the Pope out once and for all’.
‘This has been on the cards for five hundred years. It’s great we’ve found a way to finally decide which Church is right.’
A Vatican spokesman said that the Pope would win because doctrine said he couldn’t lose. ‘Plans are in place to reward Mr Hill. He is already on the fast track to sainthood,’ said the spokesman.
Harry Hill’s agent said there were plans to resolve other disputes by inviting the antagonists onto the show’s ‘Fight!’ spot.
‘We are negotiating with the three main political parties to resolve a hung parliament by inviting them on the day after the General Election to fight it out on College Green.’