Yes, it’s true, I flounced out of NewsBiscuit, but, thanks to the power of Google - and a schism in the space/time continuum that no-one could have anticipated - I am now worshipped as an omnipotent deity by 40 million religious zealots on the Indian subcontinent. It’s changed everything: my NewsBiscuit profile (omnipotent, everywhere at once, able to leap tall buildings in a single bound), pension provision, personal magnetism, access to attractive young women, etc.
Following recent comments on NewsBiscuit I’ve been getting emails from all around the globe, asking for my blessing, a lock of my hair, a short-term loan. Amazing. At first I was humbled by the attention, but now I think “Do my bidding, bootlickers. If anyone should have a fleet of Rolls Royces, it’s me, the Chosen One. Where’s the women? Rejoice”.
The bottom line? “I forgive you. You knew not what U did. Kiss my ring”...
