A coroner’s report has confirmed that beloved children’s author, Elizabeth Beresford, may have been killed by an undead Womble.
The report suggests that after the initial success of the Womble animation and music tour dampened down, Beresford was left alone to care for the Wombles as each was expected to pass away soon after due to a sexually transmitted disease picked up from hamster groupies. Great Uncle Bulgaria died in the late seventies and was buried, as per the instructions of his final will on Wimbledon Common. However, years of collecting refuge and the remains of unauthorised fly-dumping exposed the elder Womble to numerous radio-active, chemicalized substances. The further contamination of Wimbledon common soil by successive summers of teenagers spilling alco-pops and gay man their unwanted seed, ensured that Bulgaria was entombed in what was ideal ground for transmogrification.
The coroners report comments – ‘that is was likely that Bulgaria was case zero and once he, by habit, returned to the burrow he infected the other Wombles. Although Wombles are vegetarian by nature, they do have a strong teeth and from the bite radius on the inner thigh of the corpse of Madame Cholet, it is clear she was the second victim. As a French, non-native Womble, we think she may have had immunity to the virus but died of her wounds. Skeletal examinations show that Beresford and Bungo, the youngest of the Wombles, were able to decapitate Bulgaria but not before he had savaged his way through the remainder of the Womble family. I can only imagine the horror but it is clear from structural surveys that Beresford and Bungo were able to effect a cave-in that sealed the remaining Zombles behind tonnes of rumble. At the moment, we cannot account for the whereabouts of Bungo and would warn all Common users to be alert and not piss him off by dropping sweet wrappers or plastic bags in the vicinity’.
Beresford's funeral will be held later in the week. Her coffin is expected to be carried for most of the journey on a special carriage attached to Ivor the Engine. The last surviving Clangers are expected to act as pall-bearers.