Following Madonna’s rehousing scheme, American celebrities have once again leapt to the aid of third world children, after several leading names pledged to send their excess and unwanted skin to Africa. The skin, which is removed during cosmetic surgery and is usually disposed of in hospital furnaces or sold to fast food chains, will now be made into much needed items such as shoes and school rulers. The project was launched today with a ceremonial float parade in Congo, featuring Barry Manilow in a giant boot made from the off-cuts of Joan River’s latest operation.
‘Celebrities in the USA have long had a self-obsessed penchant for facelifts and tummy tucks,’ according Manilow, who has become literally the face of the project. ‘It is about time that we used the waste products of our vanity to put smiles on the faces of children in Africa. Even if we can’t actually smile anymore.’
The project has been greeted warmly by campaigners against third-world poverty who have long criticized western celebrities, whose previous attempts to use their wealth and status to help those most in need have been deemed ‘merely cursory’. Particular praise has been heaped upon Naomi Campbell who has focused solely on providing for Sierra Leone to atone for ‘any misunderstanding over the whole diamonds thing.’
Trial runs have already proven very successful in deprived areas of Kenya, with up to 3000 children now furnished with a piece of Mickey Rourke, and it is hoped that following a successful roll-out, the project can be implemented in other deprived areas including Scotland.
In addition, other projects are currently being trialed in areas of Ethiopia where cleaning products manufactured from Oprah Winfrey’s buttocks have helped to lower rates of dysentery and street-lighting powered by the light shining from David Beckham’s posterior has helped to reduce violent crime by 30%.
Concerns have been raised over the long-term viability of the project given that the appearance of extensive users of cosmetic surgery points to a potential shortage in skin and fat. However, project organizers have promised that the proliferation of vacuous, self-obsessed celebrities will ensure a plentiful supply of material. In addition, argues the project creator, Brian O’Hughes, ‘the widespread use of botox means the skin is almost leather when it gets to us, which means we have a very strong business model. And the potential for a lovely range of hand bags.’