Michael Jackson fans were relieved to be given the music industry’s blessing to rush out and buy his new album ‘Michael’ now that he’s a non-living paedophile.
Some people had previously expressed concerns that there might be something creepy and sick about snapping up the kiddie fiddler’s tunes, rather like purchasing Josef Fritzl’s Christmas DIY book, ‘Basement Building for Beginners’, but a consortium of music retailers has now said it’s all fine and that they’re definitely not biased coffin-robbing money-grubbing low lifes.
Jackson fansite Thrillernet’s message boards were deluged after the announcement as millions of supporters expressed their relief at having their consciences cleared. One user, LudiChris, wrote, “Since when did luring children to your specially built private adventure land and then sleeping with them but not telling their parents and then settling multi-million dollar lawsuits out of court with gagging orders and then moving to Dubai become a crime, huh? It’s political correctness gone mad!”
By contrast, Gary Glitter will not be enjoying a release of his greatest hits any time soon because he insists on keeping on breathing and because lyrics such as, “Come on! Come on!” could possibly be seen as subtle references to his activities with young Vietnamese fans.
Supporters of the disgraced rocker have formed a pressure group, “Take It Up the Glitter” to reverse his fortunes and are currently accepting public donations with a view to obtaining a new contract for him. “Or perhaps on him. We’ll see how it goes,” said a spokesperson.
Sony CMG’s Head of Marketing, Diana Swanson, said, “We were really worried that Jacko’s imaginatively-titled new album would be a flop, what with all those old cutting-room floor reject songs and dodgy duets with talent-dodgers like Akon. Thank God I had the idea to get Michael’s doctor to kill him with that overdose! That was genius. Don’t print that last bit though.”