Cockermouth is a favourite destination for visitors, seduced by the enticing juxtaposition of ‘cock’ and ‘mouth’ in a single word, but the picturesque market town has taken quite a battering of late. Still recovering from the devastating floods of 2009, Cockermouth bore the brunt of yesterday’s earthquake. The seismic event, rated 3.3 on the Sphincter Scale, made cups rattle in the William Wordsworth Tea-room. Local man, Jim Metcalf, describes what happened at 11pm last night. “There was a long, low rumble like John Prescott evacuating his bowels into a metal bucket. I was in the pub at the time and nearly dropped my pint”. “It’s a nightmare”, said PC Catwallader, of the Cumbria Constabulary, as he inspected the damage in the cold light of day. “You can’t find a bar of Kendal Mint Cake for love nor money”...
Earthquake wipes Cumbria off the map...
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Like the idea of the Sphincter Scale.
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